FACT: I love my family to bits. This is satire. It helped me laugh my way through the morning. It may or may not reflect the reality of our morning routine.

I have a new board game idea. It’s called “Daddy, Daddy” (A Mummy version is also available – perhaps the card decks are interchangable? I’ve not worked out the details.).
 
It’s like snakes and ladders. The aim is to get out of the front door – the last square on the board.
 
You roll a dice and move forwards. Every few spaces is a “Daddy, Daddy” space. Land on one of these and you have to pick up a “Daddy, Daddy” card. Examples:
 
  • NO CLOTHES!! It’s a ‘green day’ and all the green jumpers are in the wash. Go back three spaces while you negotiate
  • THE WRONG BREAKFAST!! You bought the wrong brand of cereal in the supermarket. Tears ensure. Go back 2 spaces.
  • NEED A POO!! *sigh* Go back 10 spaces
  • RAIN!! Wife needs the car. Spend 5 minutes freaking out about how to get all the right things to all the right places. Go back 4 spaces
  • ROAD CLOSURE!! How do we get to nursery NOW? GO back 5 spaces
and, very occasionally, things like:
  • DRESSED!! LOOK DADDY, I got dressed ALL BY MYSELF. Move forward 3 spaces
The first half of the game has to be played wearing glasses with distortion lenses just to add to the just-woken-up effect.
There would be a “new baby” expansion pack with additional cards like:
 
  • SPEW!! Baby throws up on your trousers. Go back 5 spaces]
  • NAPPY CHANGE!! Poomageddon! Go back 10 spaces
I think it’s a winner. Submit your own card ideas in the comments.