I can’t lie. I’ve been focussing a lot on the vast piles of negative stuff that surround us more than I should.
I’ve been thinking about politics and wars and climate change and heatwaves and El Niño and energy security.
I’ve been thinking about friends and family who are different levels of ill and elderly, and who in some cases are passing away far too soon.
I’ve been thinking about my own health and fitness, and, of course, about my role as parent and husband, son, and son-in-law, and friend.
I’ve been thinking about how I spend so much time working with technology, and how to choose technology that has good values and good people behind it – which is becoming increasingly difficult.
And specifically, I’ve been thinking about how AI might affect my job, society, and the planet.
I like how some have summed it up as “I’m not overreacting; I’m reacting normally to stuff that’s over-happening”
There’s a lot of shit going down.
And I confess, I have been wallowing in it a bit. Not intentionally. It’s just been very hard to see the good stuff because the bad stuff is drowning it out.
I really like what Rachel Coldicutt said recently: “I do, honestly, want to like more things, they just need to be better.”
A turning point
I was already thinking about how all of this “over-happening” seems to be so hard to escape. But also how I could probably choose to escape it. Or ignore it. Though both are hard given my character traits and how my brain works.
I had been thinking that maybe I needed to do some gratitude journalling or something. Develop a thankfulness practice. Focus on seeking out good things and sharing them.
Not to be toxically positive. Not to be someone who ignores the bad things. Gosh, I’m a deep systems thinker who sees so many of the bad things! (And this is good!!). No. But to address the balance. To acknowledge the bad, but to not forget that there is good too, and to re-focus on that.
I’ve realised that the vast majority of the bad stuff is almost completely out of my control. But there’s a whole lot of good stuff that is almost completely within my control!
I have also been reminded, yesterday and today, about joy. The soulful, spiritual happiness that we can have that fills you up and can overflow to others.
And I am determined to nurture that. Through practice, and through habit at first, but hopefully leading to some deeper change.
I like to think that I have, in the past, been a positive and happy person. Things have changed around me and within me a lot. I’ve got older, and despite my immense comfort and privilege, I’ve been finding life harder. But I think I can rediscover some of the joy of my younger years.
Practicalities
This change has to start with practice. So here’s what I’m going to try to do.
1. (Re) connecting with people
I need to see people more. I’ve been to a local badminton club a couple of times, which has been great for my soul and body. I’ve been arranging coffee chats with people I’ve not seen for a long time. I’ve booked to go to WordCamp Manchester next month.
Heck, I have this device in my pocket that allows me to write messages and speak in real time with people all over the world. Sure, sometimes they don’t reply, but dropping them a line costs me virtually nothing.
I used to be really good at this and I want to get better at it again. I’m determined to connect and re-connect with people.
2. #thankYouToday
I used to do this on and off when Twitter was a nice place. I would make a daily post of something I was thankful for. And I encouraged others to join in with it too. It’s a simple act. But I like the idea of not only having a thankfulness habit, but of sharing it.
3. Understand and make use of my “Joy languages”
You may have heard of “The Five Love Languages”. It’s a not-very-scientific, but perhaps-helpful-for-some character traits thing where you are deemed to have a primary and secondary “Love Language” out of:
- Words of affirmation
- Acts of service
- Receiving gifts
- Quality time
- Physical touch
Receiving the things in your love language is supposed to be the way that you feel loved.
But there’s also something about using our strengths that works the other way, isn’t there?
Back in 2009 a free course was launched from Yale University called “The Science of Well-Being“. The first couple of modules are excellent, and you can still sign up.
But I never got past the first couple of modules because I was dwelling on this exercise where you find your character strengths and use them in new ways. Because, it seems, using your strengths a) is easy – because it’s a strength and b) gives you energy.
And I LOVE this idea. But I never properly put it into practice.
Apparently: “Studies repeatedly show that this exercise is connected with long-term benefits (e.g., 6 months) such as higher levels of happiness and lower levels of depression.”
Now you may think this is all woo-woo nonsense. Perhaps it is. I tend to take these ideas with a big pinch of salt, but try to recognise where they are helpful.
This has reminded me that I have strengths that, for whatever reason, I rarely use. Things that I’m good at. Things that make me happy. Things that give me energy.
I should do those things instead of being so immersed in the things I dislike.
I’m calling these my “Joy languages” and I’m going to re-visit the Yale course and try to follow through on it.
Step 1: Write this down and share it
I’m excited about this. And I like writing. So there is a natural first step: write this down and share it.
As I’ve said, I do not want to just be blindly positive and ignore all the over-happenings. I’m not punk, I’m not a loud and proud protestor; I align myself more with the values and ways of the Craftivists/Gentle Protestors and the Gentle Rebel. I quietly do a lot in my own little ways. But I think there is something here… for me at least.
Perhaps you recognise yourself in some of what I’ve said? And perhaps these ideas seem like small steps you might be able to take to join in.
In which case, hooray! #thankYouToday for you.